Put that Where? Back there!

Thomas Jefferson was obviously delusional when he invented the telephone as a way of communication and keeping those far away from each other close. Because experience has taught me that the actual purpose of a telephone, is a weapon. Not in the heard-a-bump-in-the-night-let-me-throw-it-at-someone sort of weapon, but the “How can I hurt you so badly yet not touch you?” type weapon.

There are people that I know who seem to believe that the phone only rings but it doesn’t dial out. At least that is what I think they believe because they couldn’t possibly purposely decided that they won’t call me to see how I am doing yet claim that I have decided not to call because I have some sort of problem with them. That thinking does seem a little strange. Or the other people that I know, who I leave messages for yet they decided that just because they say they care (or did they?) that doesn’t mean they have to return the calls (whether I was calling because Wilma had knocked out my power or just to vent my frustration over the fact that the BEAUTIFUL Bre was beat out by PASTY Nicole). It’s better to let me sweat and worry that maybe I said something in our last conversation or maybe my breath stinks, and it stinks so badly that they can actually see green smoke coming through their phone when I am speaking to them . Or maybe just maybe they are not the people I thought they were and I am just a bad judge of character (could that really be it?). And lastly there are those people I know. We have no problem with each other, when we see each other it all daisies and just when I’ve just recapped everything that has gone on for the last 30 days they say it, the one thing that drives me over the edge – “So you can’t call nobody?”. That's when I have to say “Did you lose your fingers in a bad gambling debt pay back program? Did big Baby Boy Bruno come to your house and remove all you fingers one at a time? Because your number never came up on my caller id either!”

The last one is usually well intentioned and for the most part I understand where they are coming from and I don’t hold anything against them. But the first two have and do continue to cause me pain. The first one causes me pain because they seem to believe that my intent was to hurt them and well since obviously I’m not that important in their lives it’s best to dismiss me and then explain that our lack of communication is my fault. If they cared to find out why our communication has fizzled and wanted to know why they would call and ask why. But they don’t. When I try to rectify the situation myself they usually end up in category 2, I call they don’t respond. I even e-mail, nothing. Are they trying to tell me something? Also in category 2 are people who I never thought had a problem with me. It seems that one day they just decided “You know, enough of this Thania chick. I have to ignore her calls, voicemails, e-mails and text messages (I know I sound like a stalker but really I’m not). I can’t say she did anything to me I just don’t want to talk to her anymore." And just like that it ends. With no warning, no loud black girl argument that contains lots of references to 'yo mama' and 'that's why you ugly', and no returning of the curling, shoes and other borrowed items -- it's over. Ouch!! There's that damn phone again.

Now, am I being to sensitive? Possibly but I reserve the right to be. I may not be top of the list when it comes to promptly returning calls but I try and I do acknowledge the missed call when I do speak to the caller. So of course I have to find a resolution to this situation. Because it just isn't healthy to dwell on it for so too long. So here it is: For those in Categories 1 & 2: You win, I get the message, the writing is on the wall, I can take the hint, all that. I will not call anymore (or e-mail, text, leave messages, stop by - seriously I am not a stalker). I will leave you alone and we will all go one to live very productive, happy and fabulous lives.

For those in Category 3: You can't call nobody!!