A friend of mine got married last month. It was beautiful. She was beautiful. He was beautiful. You get the point, but here comes the ugly part. The question:"So when are you getting married Thania?" This question more often than not is posed by my mother. Married? Can I get a date first? Can I just meet a guy? Can I just meet a guy with a job? Can I just meet a guy with a job and no criminal record? Can I just meet a guy with a job, no criminal record and who was born before 1976? Can I just meet a guy with a job, no criminal record, born before 1976 and who's into women? Can I just meet a guy with a job, no criminal record born before 1976, who into women and that I am into? Am I too picky? Have I been ruined by cable television? My mother thinks it's a little bit of both. She says I am too picky but I am because TV tells me I should be.
With my mother there are 2 major issues: I am a caribbean child and I am the only girl. How dare I be 30 (yes 30 not 40 not 50 but THIRTY) and still no steady boyfriend and no engagement ring? My mother believes that she will die and I will not be married. Who will show you what to do? (she says in her Haitian-Cuban accent) Does she mean the wedding night? Because I got that part down pat. (brush the dirt off my shoulder) No the baby. What baby? Weren't we just discussing marriage. Yes but I gotta get married so she can have her grand-children. So again, who will show you what to do? Uh, the hospital. Who will watch the baby? Uh, Daycare. I try to explain to her that this takes time. That I gotta fall in love. I mean the perfect dress is not just gonna fall out of the sky. I have to see it and clutch the pearls just because it's so perfect. What about the guy? Unfortunately that's harder to find than the perfect dress. And it takes alot longer to fit into than the dress.
My mother (and I think most caribbean and latin parents) seem to believe that there is an expiration date stamped on the back of a woman's head. If that date comes and goes and no marriage than honey consider yourself unmarriable. But could this date possibly be in 2005? I mean isn't there enough pressure out there for me? I gotta count carbs, gotta watch out for the government, keep up on reality tv, be careful what I google at work, do a living will, buy shoes, watch out for my job and now I gotta keep an eye on the calendar while still listening out for biological time clock. Whew! I need an apprentice. So I tell her that I have female friends who are Ph.D.'s, lawyers, teachers and doctors all before getting married. Her answer to this great defense: yes, but they are married now. She's right, they are and I'm not. So will I die in some Willy Wonka-esque body blew up and exploded kind of situation on January 1st 2006? I ask her. No but it would be nice if you had someone to enter the New Year with. Great now I gotta worry about getting a date for New Year's Eve and we're only in April.
I don't want you all to think I am not doing my part to help my mother have her wedding and her grand-children, because I am. I go on dates. I had a date a couple of weeks ago. It was a Saturday. We went to lunch, had a great time and went shopping. Ladies, he even bought me something. Seems good so far. So we made plans for brunch on the next day. We'll meet at 10:30 a.m. Do you know what happened? HE STOOD ME UP!! Yes he did. I left him a voicemail and a text message. He finally sends me a text message at 6:26 p.m. that states: "Hey there, just saw ya mes. I woke up rather late. how was ya day, rather wet huh?" It was raining that day. So maybe the sound of the rain lulls him to sleep so hard that nothing wakes him up? Maybe he met a girl the night before and they had a great night together and she lulled him to sleep? But neither of those is reason enough to stand me up. So I stop talking to him. Completely. Sorry mom he wasn't the one but I haven't given up yet and neither should you. You'll find your perfect son-in-law and he'll give you those grandkids and the two of you will live happily everafter. It's just that I think this man will probably be dating one of your sons and not your daughter.
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Thanks for the words of encouragement but I don't think you guys should send them to me. You should send them to my mom. She's the worried I am not. Everything happens when its suppose to and not a moment sonner. Who knows who the universe has lined up for me and when they will arrive but in the meantime and in between time I am happy dating me.
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